When Seniors Can No Longer Drive Safely: How to Start the Conversation About Giving Up the Keys

 

Phyllis Hascall’s mother never drove; she relied on her husband for transportation. Two years before she died, she spoke to Phyllis and her other adult children about Dad’s escalating problems behind the wheel: reaction time, depth perception, and getting distracted by conversations while driving. But they didn’t know how to approach the subject with him. He had spent so much of his life as a driver. After all, driving trucks and buses had been part of his job as a milkman. And if Dad could no longer drive, that meant that both he and Mom would feel isolated and dependent. Phyllis also knew of his experience with getting his own father to stop driving. “He had to take the keys away from his father, and he said it was the hardest thing he had to do in his life,” she remembers. Even more disconcerting, Dad was able to renew his license with ease every five years, despite his diminishing abilities. The siblings talked amongst themselves and Phyllis tried to broach the issue with him, but he didn’t react positively. The discussion remained on hold and Dad continued to drive.   

A year and a half after Mom died, Dad got into an accident and totaled the car. He was at fault, and although he wasn’t injured, two people in the other vehicles were. At that point, the writing was on the wall. Dad’s geriatric specialist told him he had to stop driving. 

Shortly afterward, Dad got into an assisted living facility, and, instead of feeling isolated, he thrived. He didn’t have to be responsible for everything anymore. Transportation was no longer a difficult issue because he realized he had good transportation choices—buses and vans were provided through the assisted living facility, and friends and family members drove him wherever else he needed to go. He didn’t miss appointments or social occasions.

Families in Snohomish County and throughout the nation that are dealing with this issue—how to take someone’s keys away when driving becomes unsafe—often don’t know that there are resources available to help guide them through the process. The Hartford Financial Services Group and the MIT AgeLab have published an excellent booklet called We Need to Talk that explores a variety of scenarios involving senior drivers and offers realistic, compassionate advice in getting them to make this important lifestyle change. As stated in its introduction, “These suggestions are based on a nationally representative survey of [7,200] drivers over the age of 50, focus groups with older adults who have modified their driving, and interviews with family caregivers of persons with dementia.”

The booklet begins with a series of questions for family members, concentrating on whether family conversations really make a difference, who should take the lead in starting the conversation, how senior drivers are likely to respond to questioning about their driving, and how to prepare for serious conversations about how to limit or stop driving. Because dementia is an increasingly common issue and those past the initial stages are not expected to have “sufficient insight into their driving abilities to make adjustments,” an extra resource, At the Crossroads: Family Conversations about Alzheimer’s Disease, Dementia and Driving, is suggested for further reading. There are also worksheets provided to help families and their senior loved ones plan for alternate modes of transportation after the cessation of driving. 

Change is hard, but when seniors know they have options, stopping driving doesn’t feel like such a loss of independence. It merely means that a new chapter has begun where access, mobility, and safety can all coexist.

Author: Michele Horwitz